It's a... blog!: Spilled Milk: The Adjustment Period

The above pictures were taken one morning shortly after Brogan and I came home from the hospital. I remember feeling very emotional about having both boys in my arms. I was thrilled that Ayden would get that close to Brogan, but, more than that, I was glad he was curled up next to me. Ayden and I had both struggled significantly over that month: I was so often in and out of the hospital that there was nothing normal about his life; I missed him, and he missed me, and our relationship was strained with all the newness and confusion. It had once been mostly just the two of us during the day, and then all of sudden, there were a lot of other people taking care of him... not to mention the arrival of a baby brother. Things have smoothed out between he and I since then (In fact, I think we are even closer than we were before!), but we can all say that our lives are still very different.

Ayden navigating our zoo trip a month ago:
"Now. Where are the flamingos, meerkats, and fish?
And we have to hit up the train!"

My mom and dad left shortly after our homecoming from the hospital. I remember Mama telling me, "If you start to cry, that's a good indication that you need to stop what you are doing and breathe." That's some of the best advice I have received while taking care of a toddler and an infant. I haven't cried that much over the past two months (I don't have time!); usually if I break down, it's because of something that I have done to make my life harder, not something the boys have done. On two separate occasions, I spilled breast milk that I had just pumped all over our bedding. "Don't cry over spilled milk" took on new meaning for me.

Nursing, in general, has been a challenge for me. I remember being in the hospital with the lactation consultant thinking, Do I really want to do this? Of course, I wanted to nurse; I just wasn't sure if I could. I didn't realize how just finding the right position for child and self could be so difficult, and then one deals with the initial discomfort (and sometimes pain). On top of those things, I was overwhelmed by the shear number of times one has to nurse in one day! Bryan asked me, "So how natural do you find this process?" I actually don't feel like there is much natural about it at all! My friend, Mary Jane, encouraged me, "Don't give up on nursing. You can do it!" She was right. Luckily, things have gotten significantly better, and I'm glad that Brogan and I have been able to form that bond. I didn't have the opportunity to nurse Ayden, and it was something that I really struggled with as a mother. (By the way, Bryan gave Brogan a bottle with an ounce of breastmilk, and he slurped it in seconds! The doctor estimates that he eats between four and six ounces a feed; she wouldn't be shocked if it was six!)

Bryan and I have been somewhat befuddled by the addition to our family. Bryan and I have never had a newborn at home, so we don't know how to do, well, anything. I spent the first few weeks concerned about everything: Are these noises okay? (Pediatrician says so.) Is he getting enough sleep? (I don't think he did at first.) When does he sleep through the night? (I guess we all ask this.) Does he get enough to eat? (Um, yes!) What do I do for baby acne? (Nothing.) Why is he so fussy in the early evening? (Apparently, this is fairly common among most babies. My friend Courtney calls it "the witching hours.") What's the deal with this umbilical cord? (Even when Brogan's fell off, some of the black leftovers remained in his belly button for a short time.) We have learned about seedy yellow poop, how to change Brogan's positions to make him less fussy, that he needs Vitamin D (and I do too), that most mammals are fussy at six weeks of age of no discernible reason, etc. I'm sure there will be no end to what we will learn in order to best care for our youngest son!

Handling both a toddler and an infant is busy stuff! But I think I forgot that Bryan, Ayden, and I are not the only ones making adjustments. Brogan was happily living in my belly before he was snatched from the womb. He came out screaming, and I suppose I can't blame him. The first six weeks with Brogan were difficult. All babies are needy, but he seemed unusually so. He wanted to be held all of the time, even while sleeping, and he fussed fairly often. People kept telling me he was gassy or that his belly hurt, so we gave him Mylicon and I changed my diet. I'm not sure those changes made much difference. I knew that we weren't paying enough attention to his needs, but I was struggling to keep up with all of the diaper changing, feeding, cleaning up messes, and refereeing. When I would get Brogan to sleep in his chair, Ayden would play with his popper or scream with excitement or pull Brogan's socks off. And the moment you placed a sleeping Brogan on a flat surface, such as a pack & play or crib, he would immediately wake screaming. We even tried the swing, to no avail.

But when Ayden had his heart cath last Friday, Brogan and I had some Mama and son time. I actually felt sorry for Brogan that day. I discovered that he was terribly misunderstood. I finally realized what most of his fussiness meant (either a need for sleep or a need for attention), and our daytime lives have improved as a result. I have been able to establish a semi-flexible schedule. I can now even put Brogan in the swing, and he's so asleep, Ayden doesn't wake him up! I have carved out more time to peer into his eyes and talk to him... and he has begun to coo and talk to us! We love his sweet noises... and the dinosaur ones!

So things are significantly better, and we are feeling more and more like a functioning family of four every day. Below you can see bathtime with Brogan. Once he got past the first few baths of peeing and pooping in the tub, he now quite enjoys the process and is really a delight.