Silver Lining

Bryan was very brave this past week, as he has shared with you some of the most difficult information we have ever faced, both as individuals and as a couple. His entries concerning Ayden are expressed beautifully, and I am so grateful for the strength that he had to write them.

The title of this post was inspired by my daddy. He has said to me on more than one occasion that he has to believe that there is a silver lining in Ayden’s story. While I am indeed hopeful for Ayden’s future, I also know that God may not reveal said silver lining to us… but that doesn’t mean that one doesn’t exist. Right now, I can only express to you the joys that I have experienced in getting to know my son over five and a half months of pregnancy and the joys that I have known in friends and family.

As you read my entry, by no means do I want you to think that I am delusional or that I don’t feel intense fear and sorrow. On the contrary, this experience has been all too real (and will only become more so in the next year), and the heartache… well, the tears burn as they flow. However, at this moment… this moment I choose joy.

I first want to express sincere appreciation for the love that you have poured out to us:

On Tuesday, the 15th, we were happily anticipating our second ultrasound. Yes, that was the day that we found out that our baby could possibly have a heart condition, but we also discovered that we were having a boy. On this special occasion, we had numerous people excited to meet our son. We also had people encourage us through the worry. Some close friends of ours sacrificed to present me with a gift, an awesome maternity skirt and an adorable blue onesie that reads, “100% absolutely positively without a doubt worth the wait.” He is (and will be) “worth the wait.”

For three days Bryan was in the Christmas production at our church, and the men and women of that play surrounded Bryan with their love and support. They prayed over Bryan and shed tears for our struggle, and I know that they will continue to be prayer warriors for our little one.

On Friday, the first day of the Christmas play, we received news of Ayden’s heart condition. I was placed on bedrest after the amniocentesis, which meant that I was also home alone. My family was supposed to come the following day for my maternal family’s Christmas celebration, but my daddy drove up a day early to be with me.

On Saturday morning, I realized that we had no groceries. Then my mama calls. She was on her way to her sister’s house and wanted to know if she could stop by first. She brought us all breakfast. In particular, she brought me my absolute favorite muffins from Magic Muffin in Birmingham.

On Saturday evening, Bryan’s coworkers and their families came to see Bryan in the Christmas play. I know that I have mentioned this before, but Bryan has been immensely blessed by the people that he works with, and I was so touched by their presence.





That night we came home to a note in our door. One of my coworkers had come by to pray with us. In his note, he reminded me of the miracles we read in the Bible, the same miracles that God can perform with our Ayden.

We have also received countless phone calls, text messages, and emails. I apologize if I have not returned yours. Please know that we are so grateful for your thoughts and prayers.

Now the fun part… about our little guy:

Ayden is a very active child. He constantly moves his legs and arms. However, he will not “perform” on command. Technicians and doctors alike marvel at his constant movement, yet obvious unwillingness to flip, turn, etc. Many have tried poking and pushing my belly to get our child to move accordingly, but they fight a very stubborn Ayden.

I hope that you don’t find this next part inappropriate to share… Since we have a squirmer on our hands, those who tried to get good pictures of Ayden’s various body parts had a difficult time. They commented that he didn’t want to show them the things they needed to see (like the heart), but he was quick to show us all that he was a boy.

Our son is also very inquisitive. While the doctor performed the amniocentesis, our child sought to get closer to the needle. At one point, he even reached for it! The doctor then had to make a second injection in a place Ayden couldn’t see to reach. We had invaded his world, and he was eager to see what this shiny, new thing was!

I’ve noticed that Ayden loves church. I can only assume this from his increase in activity every time we are there. When we have gone to church on Sunday mornings or I have attended play rehearsals/performances, he is in a flurry of movement. He also seems fairly energetic when Bryan and I are together. Maybe he senses that in church and with my husband I am most at peace and feel most comforted, so he too feels the freedom to let loose… or maybe mornings and evenings are just his most active times!

About the months ahead:

Bryan and I could have ended up in any number of cities after we lived in NYC. Moving to Nashville honestly felt like a calling, and so we took a leap to our newest location. In the five years that we have been here, though we had some intense doubts along the way, we have begun to see the plan unfold perfectly. Now that we know our son will experience heart complications, it makes me that much more grateful that we live here. Vanderbilt Children’s Hospital is the perfect place in a perfect plan for Ayden. Please pray over the doctors as we continue to introduce to them our son.

In the meantime, Ayden is a happy, energetic little one in his cozy house. He doesn’t know the pain of any of this, and he is growing beautifully.

“For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well” (Psalm 139:13-14).