Thrill Seeking? Not as a Parent

I was always sort of a daredevil growing up. Granted, I was (am) a perfectionist, made good grades, participated in a lot of school activities, blah, blah…

But I was also the one that, at a senior retreat, jumped from a tree into a lake… without knowing the depth or the dangers of the water that I was jumping into. (My daddy knew about this before I even told him, and I still can’t figure that one out.)

Looking back on some of those teenage/young adult experiences, I see that I was lacking some serious common sense in my decision-making. I have a tendency to be a bit more calculating in my risky adventures these days. For instance, I went on a Thrill Seekers trip with rising freshmen last summer. (No, taking a trip with 9th graders is not the “risk” that I speak of.) We went to amusement parks and rode all of the roller coasters, and we experienced the rapids of Niagara Falls. Those kids will tell you that I wasn’t afraid to try it all and that I love the excitement of those sorts of activities and the fun of being with all of them. (Go, Thrill Seeker High! Maverick is still my favorite coaster!)

I don’t, however, like the roller coaster of being a parent. I AM afraid of the spirals, of the downward slopes, of the unknown depths and dangers. I want to KNOW that there won’t be any scary surprises.

Last night Bryan stayed with Ayden. It was sort of a rough night. He spit up five times, and the last one had a couple of drops of blood in it. He had three stools positive for blood. (By the time this post will be published, he will have had five in a row.) True to form, the doctors have held his feeds and gotten an x-ray. We are waiting on radiology to read the x-ray now. Ayden is sucking hard on the pacifier because he’s hungry… again.

I left the hospital last night feeling pretty good about things… While I am always trying to remain cautiously optimistic, I was thinking that we were headed toward home. I don’t want to make things sound all doomsday (because it’s not; Ayden has done super well), but Ayden has to be able to eat to go home. And yesterday, he WAS eating. They had started him on a more “elemental” formula to help with any healing that may have been associated with the bloody stools. He seemed to be tolerating that fine. In addition, HE PASSED HIS SWALLOW STUDY! That is a huge success because it means that he doesn’t suck fluid into his lungs when he is given a bottle. We were able to increase his bottle feed from 5ml to 10ml with the expectation that that would rise every day to a full feed with a bottle. Yesterday he took 10ml at his 2PM feed and 13ml at his 6PM feed. (The rest of his feeds he still gets through the feeding tube in his nose.)

God has done mighty things in Ayden’s life, and He continues to work wonders. I am praying for peace over his little body as the doctors and nurses work to figure this out… so that we can take him home.