"Don't Stop Believin'"

When Bryan and I were in our first church Christmas play at Grace Chapel, we rocked out to Journey's song, "Don't Stop Believin'." I heard the song on the radio this morning on the way to Ayden's physical therapy, and I got sort of nostalgic for the fun we had in worshiping the Lord through "acting." (I am not so bold to think that what I was doing could be called "acting.") My thoughts then turned to Ayden, as they often do, and I couldn't think of a more perfect theme song for our most recent weeks.

As Ayden's mother, I always wonder if I am doing enough. Am I patient enough? kind enough? hard enough? Do we do enough physical exercises? Am I giving him enough feeding opportunities? Do I tell him that I love him enough? Do I discipline him enough? Do we play enough? sleep enough? smile enough?

I want Ayden to blossom overnight, for him to have all the opportunities and experiences that he is supposed to have at his age. Sometimes I get discouraged. Sometimes I cry. Sometimes I just hurt.

But I know that I won't back down. I know that I won't "stop believin." I believe in Ayden. I believe in God's Strength to build Ayden up to be the man he is supposed to be, the man that loves and worships Him and is a testimony of God's goodness and greatness. I believe God will strengthen me as well. He already has.

And for all the days that I don't think I have another ounce of energy, God sends someone or something to push me or pull me... or just get me going again. Usually that something or someone is Ayden. He has developed the most beautiful personality filled with enormous joy, and he empowers me to be a better mom.

Other times, Ayden's grandparents serve as the love we all need. Grandparents tend to bring a great deal of energy to their visits, energy that Bryan and I can't possibly maintain all day, every day. Last week Grancee came and played with Ayden & Jude. She brought with her Gerber biscuits that she insisted both boys handle and play with during their visit. Each willingly held their biscuits, and Jude put his to his mouth!

Her enthusiasm spilled over into the boys, and they both continued to do amazing things. Ayden did a considerable amount of sitting up on his own, and Jude was putting cars onto the car ramp. Jude also showed off his new ability to point at things.

Diana and I enjoyed watching the boys have fun with each other and Grancee. For the first time, I really began to see what it will be like to have the two play together, and my mom had a lot to do with my ability to revel in their future.

I hate Cheetos on my hands!

Since Ayden demonstrated his ability to sit up last week, we began to put him in his high chair once a day to get him used to sitting in it for 20-30 minutes at a time. Since Ayden had such a positive week of high chair experience, we then began giving him a bolus feed (25 minute feed by the feeding pump) in his high chair once a day. While he sits in the chair, I model eating, and the two of us engage in various feeding activities learned in feeding therapy. The idea is for him to begin to associate feeding by mouth with a full belly. I have seen Ayden do various things that indicate that he is watching and learning and at least thinking about doing the things that will allow him to independently feed himself. This week he put the spoon to his mouth and gummed a cookie. His favorite feeding activity is feeding me!

I'm supposed to be "kissing" the sippy cup.

At least I'm enjoying some pears!

What is this?

Fake food! My favorite!

Look at me! I'm getting fed while sitting in my high chair!

Don't stop believin', Mommy!
(Yes, he's gumming a cookie as if it were something he always does!)

Ayden has had a great deal of physical development over the past couple of weeks. In physical therapy, we have learned various activities, including ones with a yoga ball (he has an orange one, of course) and a wedge, to continue to strengthen Ayden. Obviously, his most recent development has been sitting up (though he seems to have abandoned that a bit lately in favor of talking). Since he is sitting up, we reworked his play space to include toys that require for him to sit up. Ayden is also reaching for things at various levels and distances, so we put his toys in a toy box that he can reach into to retrieve his own toys. (We haven't mastered putting them away!) He continues to hate tummy time, so now that he has discovered how to roll out of it in either direction, it's almost impossible to keep him there without him expressing frustration or anger. Unfortunately, one can't crawl without spending time on one's tummy... but I refuse to stop believing!

I like sitting on Mommy & Daddy's bed better than on the hard floor!

I have a new tooth (#3), but I am not showing it to you.

Look! No hands!

I'm too big for my carseat!

G-Daddy also paid Ayden a visit this past week, and he brought out the good humor in Ayden. The two exchanged grunts and laughter galore. On the way to Ayden's RSV shot, G-Daddy rocked the backseat with Ayden; they danced excitedly to the Phineas & Ferb soundtrack, and what words G-Daddy couldn't distinguish immediately, he made up. Ayden was all grins and squeals in the backseat.

The RSV people have the paper too!

G-Daddy accompanied us to Ayden's physical therapy as well, and I've never seen Ayden so responsive. G-Daddy cheered him on and made him laugh. Because Ayden hardly knew how hard he was working, he made it through the full hour with minimal complaining! (I only wish this week's PT session had gone so well! He was not a happy camper!)

I like imitating sounds and facials, & G-Daddy makes funny ones!

This guy is just hysterical!

Mama says my pacifier smile is as good as my open-mouthed grin!

Ayden misses his daddy during the day; he is renewed every evening when Bryan comes home.We enjoy our evenings as a family. So many times I have wished for videos of our rigorous playtime. We play chase and hide & seek as prebedtime rituals. (I know. I know. One day those activities will be unacceptable in the house. That will be a sad day.) Ayden gets so excited sometimes that he starts to cough from all of the laughing and squealing. We make fun noises at him, and he tries to repeat the sounds. He isn't as big on repeating words, however. He has been stuck on the "b" consonant for four days now, but we can't get him to say a word with "buh." Today he told Bryan, "Hey, Dada." Usually Ayden is so exhausted from the day that he falls asleep during prayers curled next to one of us on our bed. As Bryan moved him to his crib recently, he looked at sleeping Ayden and then at me and said, "He's so beautiful."

We won't stop believing.