A is for "Ayden"...... and for "Addict"

I am now the proud father of an addict (FYI:  my main coping/defense mechanism is (sometimes rather dark) humor).  After dealing pretty well with the weaning off the sedation he had started receiving after his arrest, Ayden is now dependent on those drugs.

On Tuesday morning, Ayden went down to interventional radiology.  Their goal was to get a PICC line in Ayden so the RA line in his lower chest could be removed.  (They use imaging equipment to aid them in the process).  Ayden received a pretty decent amount of sedation, but not to the level of a general anesthetic.  After the line was inserted, he was sent to the PCCU.  Once there, the PICC's dressing needed to be redone.  He got a sedative for this, also.  Then, that night, he got his regularly scheduled sedative.  I think it is all of this that pushed him into the realm of dependency.

He started showing signs of withdrawal during the day Wednesday.  By that evening, he had accumulated quite a list of symptoms: sweating, anxiety/inconsolability, easily startled, vomiting.  It goes without saying Wednesday was very stressful.  He was very clearly not happy.  He couldn't stay asleep.  He cried much of the time.  It completely disrupted his feeding, as he couldn't keep anything down.  And there wasn't really anything we could do.

While I'm sure many of frequenters of this blog can relate to the fear and frustration that comes with having a child that you simply can't console or make better, when it is a child who has a very serious heart defect, the fear and frustration are raised to new heights.  As we learned in the "care conference" (more on this here) we attended earlier this week, any random, seemingly little thing can set a hypoplast baby off on a downward spiral, including a single instance of vomiting.  You better believe that was in the back of my head every time I knew he was about to puke, which happened numerous times.  Pile that on top of the already heightened fear I have been dealing with since his emergent episode and you get a very stressed out and on edge parent (more on this here).

Both Allison and I spent much of Wednesday night very worried about Ayden.  We did not know until late what was really going on (that he was knocked out shortly after getting his scheduled dose was the final confirmation of his dependency).  I left the hospital at 9:30 p.m., fully intending to go home, get some clothes for work for the next day, and go back to the hospital to stay the night.  I was apparently so mentally and emotionally spent by the time I left that I almost fell asleep while driving home.  It was too dangerous for me to try to go back, so I had to leave Allison to deal with the scariness of the situation by herself.

In the end, at least, it has worked out.  So far.  Sedative dependency is something that can be dealt with.   I am grateful the problem was not something more sinister.  I am grateful Ayden had a very good day Thursday with Allison (she says she played with him all day) after having such a miserable time of it the two days prior.

More than ever, it is clear we have no idea what the next day will bring.